Farts

WARNING: THIS ENTIRE POST IS ABOUT FARTS

I can't believe I'm going here, but I'm gonna.

I grew up in a family with 4 sisters, a mom and a dad. None of us were big on farting. I never in my life heard my mom fart (er. . . or her term "windy") or my sister Heather. Some of us farted for comedic effect (Hi Becky!) , and I guess there was that time one of us became the president of the Fart Club when she was 7 (Hi Anne-Marie!). But for the most part, we girls were non-farters. I thought my dad was a big time professional farter, but now that I've experienced living with David, Jackson and Jasper - I realize he was amateur at best.

I've been trying to get David to stop farting since we got married - and I have had ZERO success. He has no intention of stopping and Jasper is also a big time farter. I've been pleading and scolding, begging and reprimanding - and for NOTHING! They won't stop! Jackson can't help himself, but I know that he will most likely follow in his father's footsteps and continuously say "sorry, I can't help it!" or "it doesn't even stink, deal with it chumps."

The sad part - I feel myself caving. I think I have lost this battle and I might as well just accept my fate. When I was pregnant I even joined them, especially during the end - but I could honestly say "I can't help it!"

Last night when we were reading scriptures as a family, we were reading about Ammon in the Book of Mormon, and how he chopped of all the arms of the Lamanites. As Jasper was reading he farted twice, both times he claimed his inability to "help it." And then we all started to laugh. Laughing about it is much more enjoyable than arguing about it I realized.

Tell me, do you come from a FF (farting family) or a NFF (non-farting family) and how do you cope with the stinkiness?

Since I'm awake anyway...

Since I'm awake and can't sleep as is the case around here lately, I thought I'd share the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me in a while with the whole world.

It's about 9:00, time for Jasper's bed, time for Jackson's bed, time for my bed. I suddenly realize, Yeah, its Tuesday - my Gilmore Girls disc has arrived and is waiting for me in the mailbox! Why don't I run go get it and watch an episode while I nurse Jackson to sleep. Yeah! So I run out barefooted to my mailbox to grab it. While I'm running out in the dark where no one else is, I have a brilliant idea to pass some gas as I'm on my way to the mailbox (or should I say windy). I noisily let out not one, not two but at least 5 huge farts. Ha ha, I laugh to myself, those were loud. Luckily no one heard! Ha! Then I look to my left and see a man about my age in a cap walking right by my mailbox. Maybe he didn't hear me. "Hi", I say. He puts his head down holding in laughter as he walks by me averting his eyes, "uh Hi ha ha".

Oh my heck.

Toots

Jasper: "I think I know why I am constipated."
Me: "Oh yeah, why?"
Jasper: "Cause you won't let me toot. You won't let me or Dave toot in the house or in the car."
Me: "Um. . . I don't think that makes you constipated."
Jasper: "Uh-huh. Because if you hold it in, it makes you all stuffed up."
Me: "Well, I don't say you can't toot EVER, just not all over the house or in the car. You can toot in the bathroom anytime you want."
Jasper: "Well, just letting you know that that's the reason I'm constipated."

Later after I told David of Jasper's funny theory, he said

"Well, he does have a good point." Why are boys so gross and fart happy?


While I'm on the subject, I think it is funny that when I was growing up, my mom wouldn't let us say the word "fart." We had to use the word "windy." Hilarious.

Boys Are Weird

So it is Saturday morning and I just finished making a french toast breakfast for David and Jasper. They sit down and we start to eat.

Me: I love french toast!
David: I love making farting noises!

He then starts to make farting noises with his hand and armpit, while I give him a look of "what in the heck are you doing?" Jasper also gives him a look and says, "you can't even do it right." He then proceeds to take his left hand in the air, LICKS IT, and then expertly puts his hand in his armpit and makes better sounding farting noises.

WEIRD!