Toots

Jasper: "I think I know why I am constipated."
Me: "Oh yeah, why?"
Jasper: "Cause you won't let me toot. You won't let me or Dave toot in the house or in the car."
Me: "Um. . . I don't think that makes you constipated."
Jasper: "Uh-huh. Because if you hold it in, it makes you all stuffed up."
Me: "Well, I don't say you can't toot EVER, just not all over the house or in the car. You can toot in the bathroom anytime you want."
Jasper: "Well, just letting you know that that's the reason I'm constipated."

Later after I told David of Jasper's funny theory, he said

"Well, he does have a good point." Why are boys so gross and fart happy?


While I'm on the subject, I think it is funny that when I was growing up, my mom wouldn't let us say the word "fart." We had to use the word "windy." Hilarious.

Put your toys away

How to tell if a 9 year old boy doesn't really care about a toy:

Me: Jasper, this toy thingy here (some kind of playdough mush he made at summer camp)? I'm throwing it away.

Jasper: NO! PLEASE!

David: Okay, but you have to put it away then.

Jasper: Uh, okay - you can just throw it away.

Scary and Sad

What's scary?

Shucking corn. You never know what you are going to find when you get down to the kernels.

What's sad?

After shucking all the corn (corn you picked from the garden in your backyard), cooking it, buttering, salting and peppering it, you take a big bite and it is like mush. I think we waited too long before we picked it. That is sad.

Observations at Practices and Preseason Games

Friday David and I went to Jasper's football practice, and today was his first game. It was a preseason game, and his first game that counts is next Saturday. He is so excited. The practices are long and hot but he loves them. It is fun to watch all the 8-9 year old boys, and how much fun they are having. Kid watching can be the most entertaining form of people watching there is.



Since their game was the next day, their coach kept going over plays again and again. It would be so hard to coach kids Jasper's age, they lose interest quickly and are so easily distracted. When the coach catches someone talking when he's supposed to be listening, or goofing off, he yells "Drop and give me 5 push ups!" and the kid quickly obeys. I've about doing that at home, but somehow I doubt I would get such an obedient and willing response out of Jasper at home.



Anyway, as I was watching the practice I noticed some pretty funny things.



As the coach was going over a play, a few kids that were on the sidelines but were still supposed to be paying attention, started talking smack and telling "Yo mama's so ugly" jokes. Most of them were actually, "yo mama's so hairy" jokes instead.



When there were still about 20 minutes left of practice, the "coach mother" pulled out some treats that she'd be giving each kid as they left, some oversized pixy stix. I heard one boy tell another "PIXY STIX, LOOK!" And then the field was a buzz with every kid telling the other that they'd get pixy stix soon. They missed everything the coach said and had to drop and give 5 push ups.



My favorite part of the practice came as the coach was giving his final huddle pep talk.



Coach: "The game starts tomorrow morning at 9 am. You must all be here at 8 am!"

Kid 1: "What if we're here at 8:30?"

Kid 2: "I usually sleep in until 10:40."

Kid 3: "What if we forget and sleep in?"

Frustrated Coach: "If you aren't here at 8, you won't play! If you sleep in until 10:40, you won't play, if you forget, you won't play!"

Kid 4: "What time again?"





Last night as Jasper was getting ready for bed, he came into my room brushing his teeth. He was so excited for today's game he was dancing and singing. He said to me (somehow I was able to decipher it though his mouth was filled with toothpaste) "I can't wait for tomorrow, we're gonna KILL Cottonwood!" I gave him five and then he tried to fist bump me, but I totally missed the fist.



The game came and went. Jasper's team was amazing and won 19-0. They were all so happy! Jasper played well and even tackled the running back twice! Watching kids play football is much more entertaining than watching the NFL. I even enjoyed it!



I promise I'll fix my camera soon. It won't upload, but I got some great action shots.

1970s photos

My friend Em had this on her blog, and I died laughing. So I thought I would steal her idea. You can do this yourself at http://www.yearbookyourself.com/.




David's photo is set in 1970,











While mine is in 1976.

Ugly Photo Tag

There are some things that no amount of photoshopping can fix.

This is an Ugly Photo Tag. I dare you all to post an ugly picture of yourself. C'mon, it'll be fun. :)

Girls Camp

So my friend Heidi was going through some old pictures, and found this gem of me at girls camp circa 1990. I thought it was funny. I must be thinking something like "whose comb is this?"

Synchronized Diving

Is anyone else watching the synchronized diving in the Olympics?

They are pretty cool. But the lady commentator for this event is very annoying. She sounds like Nancy Grace. I wish I could mute the commentators sometimes, without turning off all of the sound.

The Olympics have begun!

How comfortable would you feel dressed like this playing beach volleyball for all the world to see? Maybe if I had a body like theirs I'd feel comfortable, but somehow I still doubt it. I'd be too worried about making sure that all my body parts stayed covered. It doesn't seem to bother them much though. Go team USA!

Worrie Wart

Jasper: "I stink real bad. Can I take a shower?"

Me: "Um. . . yes please!"

Jasper: "I smell like this friend I use to have's house."

Me: "What did your friend's house smell like?"

Jasper: "Well, they use to barf in their house and not clean it up."

Me: "Hurry quickly and take a shower NOW!"

So I'm now 29 weeks pregnant, 7 months and in my third trimester. I'm in the homestretch and getting more and more nervous. I now meet with my doctor every two weeks. I keep thinking of all the horrible things that could happen. I've had friends and family, and ward members who have had really sad things happen to them and their babies in this third trimester, and my mind keeps racing and imagining up all sorts of "what-ifs". What if I go into labor prematurely? What if my baby dies? What if for some reason I can't have an epidural and I have to have an insane labor without meds? What if my ankles swell even more, and I have to be wheelchair bound for the remaining pregnancy? What if we never finish the basement, and the baby's nursery is permanently in the living room? What if he comes out an octopus (he already feels like he has 8 legs with the amount of kicking and bouncing that goes on in my engorged tummy)?

I know that most of the above is out of my hands and I need to think positively and not about all the things that could go wrong, but sometimes that is easier said than done.

Thank goodness Jasper is good for a laugh!